There's this thing that happens when I go for too long without playing with other people. I start to hate how I sound. It creeps into my reedmaking and pretty soon I'm not happy with anything and I'm ruining what might've been perfectly good reeds with stupid anti-perfectionism.

 I'm playing with Sinfonia this weekend, and the rehearsal was very nice, even though I don't really like my reeds I still felt alright...although I was getting a lot more water in my keys than I was expecting. It's amazing how just one rehearsal can start me feeling good again...and a bit shocking how bad I was feeling about my playing beforehand.

But even so. I haven't been playing in ensembles enough, and then I start to decline offers to play with other people because I feel so gross about my playing. It's awful and I'm going to put a stop to it. Mandatory chamber music at LEAST once a month. Luckily for me there's even someone else organizing a monthly chamber music night. No more excuses.